Franz Kafka wrote a book called "Metamorphosis" in which the 'hero' woke up one day to find he had become a beetle!  It comes as no surprise that from then on other people treated him rather differently.

 

For me, Kafka was referring to how, in situations of abuse, we often don't realise what's happening to us until it's too late. So late that we can't even see it ourselves. It is also so easy for us to normalise our situations to such an extent that how we became a 'beetle' is a complete mystery and somehow we come to believe that it must be our fault.

 

As a beetle we are separated by the abuser from those who genuinely love us.  After all, we are to blame for being such a terrible creature. We feel alone with no support. And if we tell our story who will believe us?

 

So what about you? Who are you now?  Seeing through the chaos and toxicity of abuse is truly one of the hardest things a human can go through.

 

This piece for symphony orchestra is my representation through the medium of music of this kind of human transformation.